Friday, June 18, 2010

Waking The Fallen (2003) "Second Heartbeat"

[reprinted as written by Avenged Sevenfold]
As performed by A7X

We keep writing, talking and planning, but everything's changing.
We all know what to do but know one does it.
Now this time has passed and full of regret.
Two in my heart have left me a while, I stand alone.
When they get back, it won't be the same.
My life, you've always been there.
Now you're gone and my heads spinning.
Left the childhood, left the memories, left the good times in the past.
Moving on your time has run out.
Wishing the clock would stand still, the world can wait.
Wasting away once again, once lived as friends.

As time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life.
The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night.

Never will I forget you, and all the memories past.
So rarely I get to see your face.
Growing I looked to you in guidance.
We knew that time would kill us, but you're still so close to me.

To me you were my life.
To me you were my soul companion.
Now you are so far away.
Nothing can take away the time and the memories we had.
Come back - to the days when we were young
Come back - to the days when nothing mattered.

Written in dedication to the death of someone close to the poet, but also written in dedication to another kind of death, the death of a close relationship, he mourns

Two in my heart have left me a while, I stand alone

The poem begins with one heart wrenching word,


and ends with the broken hearted plea,

Come back

One person can never come back, having gone forever into the darkness of death. The other person keeps writing, talking and planning but it never comes to anything, they're just empty words, "Let's do lunch some time," "I'll give you a call."

We all long for permanency, for faithfulness, especially in relationships, yet so often we give each other goodbye instead. Who among us doesn't carry the ache of an ended relationship that isn't really over in our hearts? We knew that time would kill us, but you're still so close to me

What are the excuses? I fell out of love. We grew apart. I met someone else. I'm not that person anymore. I got tired of taking their stuff. Sometimes a person's heart takes a beating early in life, and then the door is closed to deeply trust and love again. Then infidelity becomes a safety hatch from ever loving like that again, and also ever getting hurt like that again.

One of the deepest relationships ever known is found in the ancient record of King David's life. His friend, King Saul's son Jonathan, loved him as life itself

To me you were my life

And in the words of that thousands of years old story, "the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul"

To me you were my soul companion

They covenanted with each other to love each other for all their lives, to take care of each others' families and always have each others' backs. When Jonathan died with his father Saul in battle, David, the composer of half the Psalms in the Bible, wrote this lament

O my dear brother Jonathan,
I'm crushed by your death.
Your friendship was a miracle-wonder,
love far exceeding anything I've known—
or ever hope to know

David had married Jonathan's sister Michal. But Saul had become insanely jealous of David's popularity and was afraid that the people would depose him and make David their king, thus toppling not only Saul's reign, but thwarting his dynasty in bypassing Jonathan. So he tried to kill David, causing David to run for his life. Michal chose to stay behind, and eventually remarried.

These two deaths, the death of his beloved soul-brother, and the death of his marriage, cut deep into David's spirit. He tried to get Michal back, causing the breakup of her second marriage. But Michal only criticized David, and never bore children to him. David found Jonathan's son Mephibosheth, and brought him into his home to live with him as his own son. But Mephibosheth was only the shadow of his father...

When they get back, it won't be the same

Like the poet, David was crying out "Come back!" But the days of the past can't be brought back.

David began adding wives to his household, falling in love, trying again to find that deep intimacy he had known in his youth. But what he didn't do was be faithful. Faithfulness must have seemed too risky. Being true to only one person left a person open to abandonment of either death or rejection. David's faithlessness came full circle when, even though he could have had any woman he wanted, as King of Israel, he took the wife of a friend who was loyal to him, who was out fighting David's battles while King David stayed home at his palace, dallying with Bathsheba.

When she got pregnant, David sent his loyal friend out to the front lines with secret instructions to his general to make sure Uriah was killed...

Broken marriage, death of a faithful friend.

How can there be healing when the wound runs that deep, cuts through even the bone and sinew and leaves a person so broken inside?

Here's the poem David wrote when he was finally ready to talk about it with God, to admit to what he had done, the way he had worked out the terrible hurts he had experienced,

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion

blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow

Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice

Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me

Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise

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