Waking The Fallen (2003) "I Won't See You Tonight Part 2"

[reprinted as written by Avenged Sevenfold]
As performed by A7X

Come back to me, this is unconceivable
Breaking apart the ones you love
Hate runs deep for what you've done to us
Left alone through suicide...suicide

I just want to die, take away my life
lay by your side, please:.

Look at my face you pierce with a blank stare
No dream could prepare a heart for a lifeless friend.
He's gone. Nothing will take back time.
I need him back, but nothing will take back time.
(take back time)

I can see just fine, you in my life,
there by my side as it starts to fade
I know this can't be right, stuck in a dream
a nightmare full of sorrow
Nightmare - full of pain

I look back and see the twisted road
Best friends and despair took its toll
Take away

You can't be replaced
I'm left alone with you
in spirit and the words
you wrote to me

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me, I cared for
and most of all I loved
but I can't see myself that way
please don't forget me
or cry while I'm away

The heart of this poem, after the screams of impotent rage, of enraged grief, horror and the growing realization of what's happened, is the quiet inner mourning

You can't be replaced
I'm left alone with you
in spirit and the words
you wrote to me

For the person staring at the bottles of perscription drugs, or the glint of the razor, or the swirling waves so far beneath the bridge, standing on the ledge watching the ants of cars and people scurry back and forth in the distance, watching the rope hang softly from the hand that holds it...feeling such depths of suffering and an almost elated anticipation of peace just a few moments away, if only I swallow these pills, or cut these wrists, or take two small steps off this precipice, or kick this chair away....

It seems a distant prospect to think of what will be left behind, the train wreck of grief and devastation that everyone else will endure as they try to make sense of suicide.

The hope for relief seems to overshadow any love, any sense of faithfulness on the part of the one contemplating taking his or her own life. But underneath that hypnotic craving for peace is also anger, and suicide is the ultimate take-back, the ultimate last word.

How do you pick up the pieces? How do you get beyond the heavy load of guilt -- if only you had said more, or done more, or been there for this person during those crucial last moments? If only your love had been stronger, if only...

Look at my face you pierce with a blank stare
No dream could prepare a heart for a lifeless friend.
He's gone. Nothing will take back time.
I need him back, but nothing will take back time.

And therein lies the key. King David knew what it was to lose someone to death -- to meaningless death. His soul brother, the friend of his heart, two spirits woven into one, had died in a battle that everyone knew was doomed. But King Saul, who later fell on his own sword when he knew the battle was lost, was obdurate. A man of faithfulness, Jonathan fought by his father's side, knowing he would die that day.

David had to move on. He was king. The nation looked to him for leadership on that tragic day. Heavy with grief, the king wrote a warrior's dirge for his beloved friend. That experience would prepare him for an even more painful wrestling with death years later.

King David's love child lay sick and dying and he was desolate. He stopped eating, he stopped bathing, he stopped being king of his country. Instead, day and night, he lay in a miserable heap, begging God to spare the baby's life. He was just a tiny innocent soul. It was not his fault that he had been conceived in sin.

But God gathered the little one to Himself, taking him back only days after he had been born.

What could the stricken king do? Wearily he pushed himself up off the ground, and went to the table to break his fast. Then he washed himself, put back on his robe and crown, and went out to face his country which needed him.

What can you and I do when someone else betrays us? Because yes, that's what suicide is, the ultimate betrayal of love and life. We mourn, and then we move forward in life. We stop the rings of pain from getting wider by choosing life, and choosing love, again. King David comforted his wife, and she bore another son. That son became Israel's wealthiest and wisest king.

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