"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving."

A while back I read a fascinating article called “How the new science of thank you can change your life.” Apparently science has now been able to prove what God has been teaching people since the days of Cain: practicing gratitude can actually make us healthier – literally!!

Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at UC Davis, has been able to prove, in his lab, that being thankful can change us for the better. He took three groups of volunteers and assigned them to focus on one thing:

1) The first group concentrated on everything that went wrong, or irritated them
2) The second group homed in on situations they felt made their lives better
3) The third group was asked to think about ordinary life events

After the experiment was over, the people who focused on gratitude discovered they were happier – the difference was so noticeable that others recognized it too.
1) We’ll sleep better
2) We’ll be more enthusiastic, more interested, more determined
3) We’ll be less materialistic, less apt to connect life satisfaction with material things
4) We’ll be more energetic and actually exercise more
5) We’ll feel more optimistic and joyful, better resilience during tough times
6) We’re more likely to share what we have with others
7) We’ll have fewer headaches and colds and a stronger immune system
8) We’ll be less envious, less anxious, less prone to feel the blues and less stressed
9) We’ll be more alert and active
10) We’ll be more likely to help other people
11) We’ll actually live longer
12) We’ll have closer family ties
13) We’ll have a deeper spirituality
14) And if we’re willing to stick to it, being thankful, practicing gratitude, we’ll realize we’re making progress toward our life goals.

As Paul the apostle instructed in Colossians 4:2, "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving."

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Ancient Jewish Weddings (Continued)

3) Mohar

Genesis 24:50-51 "Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, 'The thing has come from the LORD; we cannot speak to you bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the LORD has spoken.'"

The family accepted the servant's offer, they could clearly see this was God's will. The servant then presented Rebekah with the mohar, all the gifts Isaac had prepared for her, samples of the wealth he would provide for her as her husband. This is so much like the Holy Spirit in your life today, giving you spiritual gifts according to His grace.

4) Cup of Acceptance

Genesis 24:54a "And he and the men who were with him ate and drank, and they spent the night there."

Once the terms of the ketuvah had been specified and the father of the bride had agreed to them, betrothals were sealed with a traditional "cup of acceptance" from which both parties drank; the covenant was sealed, and the couple was considered to be betrothed. Think about how God gives us His Holy Spirit as a seal for that day when we will be joined to Him forever in heaven.

The betrothal period typically lasted one full year, beginning with the sealing of the covenant and ending with the wedding ceremony. During that time the groom would prepare their new home, which meant adding on to his father's home or building a new home on the family property. He would have stocked the bridal chamber with seven days' worth of provisions so they could spend a week together inside as their honeymoon.

Think of Jesus saying, "I go to prepare a place for you; in My Father's house are many mansions." As fast and as hard as he worked, though, it was the groom's father who made the final decision as to when the bridal chamber and new home were ready, and gave permission for his son to go marry his bride. Think of Jesus telling His disciples that He would return for them to bring them back to Him, but only the Father knew the day and the hour.

For the bride this time was for purification and preparation for the wedding feast. She would wear a veil whenever she stepped out of her house to show that she was set apart for marriage to a particular man -- she was "spoken for," no longer available because she had been bought with a price.

In Hebrew, she would be called a "me `kudeshet," meaning one who is "sanctified, dedicated to another, set apart and consecrated to her bridegroom" just as every believer is being sanctified by the Holy Spirit, being transformed by the renewing of your minds, one day to be glorified with Christ (and this is where we are in the marriage process with the Lord Jesus Christ. We are certainly His, but the wedding itself is yet to come).

[C] Nissuin: The wedding (nissuin) was the next stage of the marriage process. It was always a surprise for the bride, she never knew when the groom was going to come. Finally, the groom's father would approve all the preparations his son had made and would release him to go get his bride. A great processional would be made, to the bride's home. Typically, this processional would happen at night. The groomsmen and other attendants would carry large torches through the streets to illuminate their path, with lots of noise, horns blowing and fanfare.

The bride and her attendants would be able to hear the approaching party giving her a few minutes to get ready. (This is where the parable of the ten virgins takes place, in Matthew 25). In the final minutes of readiness, the bride was to put on her veil. The bridal veil was a symbol of authority. By placing the veil on her head she was demonstrating to herself and the whole world that she was coming under her husband's authority.

Genesis 24:64-65 "And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel and said to the servant, 'Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?' The servant said, 'It is my master.' So she took her veil and covered herself."

For Rebekah the surprise was that her betrothal would last only one night, but the processional would last nearly two months across 600 miles of desert.

Ancient wedding ceremonies were actually very simple. Before witnesses the bride accepted gifts from her groom, and the groom spoke a few words of acceptance and consecration to his bride. During the wedding ceremony the bride's veil was placed on her husband's shoulder. This signified the bride yielding to her husband's authority. After this the husband drew his wife into the bridal chamber for seven days of celebration.

[D] Fourth part of marriage: The joyful celebration would last one week. As the happy couple stayed in their marriage chamber, being served by their attendants, the guests would partake of a week-long feast. Isaac loved Rebekah from the beginning, and their marriage comforted and strengthened him.

Think of the wedding feast described in Revelation.....

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Ancient Jewish Weddings (And What That Has To Do With Christ)

Talking about eschatology is fun, I like it, it's all conjecture and all that really matters is that we know He's coming back, and He's coming back for us.

You all know the analogy of the onion: it's comprised of many layers, as you peel off the outer layer, here is another underneath. That's what this story is like.

A) There are four main characters: Abraham, his chief servant, Isaac and Rebekah.

B) There is the story of an ancient marriage, which had four main parts: The arrangements, which were made by the fathers; the year-long betrothal, which the bride and groom entered into if they each freely agreed to the marriage; the wedding ceremony, which was very short; and the celebration, which was a week long.

C) Theologians have long associated this story with God's redemption of believers: Abraham standing for God the Father sending his unnamed servant into the far country to take a bride for his son, though she doesn't yet know she has been chosen; the servant is like the Holy Spirit, to invite her to come, to woo and win her, bringing her back to the Father's house; Isaac is like Jesus, the sacrificial lamb Who is resurrected, ready to receive and claim His beloved for Himself; Rebekah is like the believer who chooses to leave her old life and enter, by faith, into communion with the Lord

For Abraham, part of imparting his God-given responsibility was finding a godly wife who would uphold godly principles instead of leading her family into idolatry and godless ways.

Genesis 24:24 "And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, 'Put your hand under my thigh, that I may make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.'"

It was the custom at that time for the parents to arrange for the marriage of their children, as is still the custom in some eastern and near-eastern nations today. Most theologians believe the servant in this story was Eliezer, and possibly one of the two servants who had accompanied Abraham and Isaac to Mt. Moriah. He would have had a deep understanding of how important this commission was to Abraham.

Putting the hand under the thigh as an oath was an oriental custom recognizing that the loins were the source of life. Multiplying his seed to be a blessing to the whole earth was one of God's unconditional promises to Abraham. For the servant, it was a representation of being bound in the very deepest part of his life. This was a solemn vow concerning the covenant promises of God.

Abraham had begun the marriage process with what was called
[A] The shiddukin: or "the arrangement," where the father would choose the prospective mate for his child. Most often this process began early in the child's life. Often neither person knew who their father was making arrangements with until the time to agree had arrived. In the same way God the Father loved and foreknew from before the creation of the world those who would be redeemed to eternal life through union with Christ. Think of all the places in scripture where God says He has chosen us since before time.

The Biblical principle in this case is that a believer is not to marry someone who has not committed their life to the Lord Jesus Christ. There can be no fellowship of light with darkness, no harmony, no unity. Abraham refused to even entertain the idea, even though finding a godly wife was going to mean lots of risk, dangers and total reliance on God to bring her safely back to Isaac.

Genesis 24:22 "When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel,[a] and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels..."

He was all ready to offer betrothal gifts to this young woman once she answered his critical question

Genesis 24:23-24 "...and said, 'Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?' She said to him, 'I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.'"

Rebekah invited the servant to their home, assuring him of their warm and capable hospitality for his entire caravan.

Genesis 24:26-27 "The man bowed his head and worshiped the LORD and said, 'Blessed be the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his steadfast love and his faithfulness toward my master. As for me, the LORD has led me in the way to the house of my master’s kinsmen.'"

[B] Eyrusin: And here began the second stage of the marriage, the betrothal. From verse 22, rings were used as currency in the Middle East before there were coins, and were a sign of a person's wealth. The giving of a betrothal ring was first practiced in ancient times when the groom purchased his bride. The size of the ring showed the wealth of the family.

The ring itself was a symbol of unending love, since the ring has no beginning and no end. This is reminiscent of the Holy Spirit quickening in a believer's heart the call to belief, presenting the pure gold of the gospel, the unending love of God and of eternal life. Think about how the Bible talks about Jesus purchasing us with something far more valuable than even gold – His own life. Rebekah accepted these gifts as the servant worshiped God for the success of his mission.

1) Kinyan

Genesis 24:28-31a "Then the young woman ran and told her mother’s household about these things. Rebekah had a brother whose name was Laban. Laban ran out toward the man, to the spring. As soon as he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and heard the words of Rebekah his sister, 'Thus the man spoke to me,' he went to the man. And behold, he was standing by the camels at the spring. He said, 'Come in, O blessed of the LORD.'"

A lawful marriage required an act of kinyan: that the bride be given -- and that she accept -- something of nominal value from the groom. Laban understood that Rebekah had just accepted, however tacitly, a proposal from the servant, so he ran out to invite him into their home to wash his feet, be fed and hopefully describe a little more fully what he proposed, while the camels and the rest of his company were taken care of. In the east you never talk business until after you've eaten.

So it was very unusual for the servant to refuse food until he had delivered the story of his mission. He left nothing out, but was forthright and candid. He began by talking about the glories of Abraham, telling about all his wealth, flocks, herds, silver and gold, servants, camels and donkeys.

Genesis 24:35 "'The LORD has greatly blessed my master, and he has become great. He has given him flocks and herds, silver and gold, male servants and female servants, camels and donkeys.'"

Why? Verse 36 "To him he has given all he has." Because this would be the inheritance of Isaac, Rebekah's future husband.

2) Ketuvah At the time of betrothal, a ketuvah, a written notice of intentions, would be presented to the bride and her father by the groom and his father. This ketuvah clearly defined the agreed upon conditions of the covenant being entered. Specifically it detailed the bride price and the other conditions of the marriage.

The ketuvah was much more than the marriage license we acquire today to authorize our legal unions. This contract was initiated by the groom obligating him to his bride. The legal document detailed the groom’s responsibilities to his wife including his promise to serve, support and sustain his bride and denying himself for her good. In a culture that predominately viewed women as property, the document accompanied a monetary obligation in the case of a divorce as well. The ketuvah elevated the woman to a valued companion in life emphasizing the protection of the wife and her welfare in the Jewish community.

Today the contracts are still written in Aramaic and elaborately decorated on high quality parchment. The ketuvah is signed by the groom and two witnesses and preserved by the bride. Tradition held that the bride remained in her father’s house for one year until the wedding, but they were considered man and wife at the signing of the contract. The bride had no conditions or obligations in the contract, but received and held her husband’s commitment as a gift. She only need remain pure until the designated marriage feast at which time the groom would arrive to gather his bride to himself.

The bride at this point had a choice to make. She could accept the ketuvah, or she could walk away. The servant presented his case:

Genesis 24:49 "'Now then, if you are going to show steadfast love and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, that I may turn to the right hand or to the left.'"

Here again is that swirl of currents, God's sovereign will and humankind's genuine free will: God had chosen Rebekah for Isaac, and yet Rebekah was also presented with a choice to make.

As the servant related his story, Rebekah was given an opportunity to observe him closely: a man of integrity, a man of faith and serious intent, his words could be trusted and God was blessing him with clear guidance and success. In the same way the Bible states that once you and I are presented with the Gospel, we have a choice to make: to accept Jesus' offer of salvation from the penalty of sin, to be joined with Him in eternal life, love and be loved by Him forever in heaven, or to reject Him and remain under God's wrath over sin. The Holy Spirit is at work, enlivening your heart to the winsomeness of Christ, and at the same time you are given the choice to make.

More next week.......

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Personal experience must be interpreted by the Bible

...and not the Bible interpreted through personal experience.

This is one of the most valuable life lessons I have learned so far as a believer, and I learned it twelve years ago when I moved to Maryland. Until that time I had been interpreting the Bible through the lens of a vivid experience.

On a beautiful spring day, when I was twenty-one years old, I was walking to a friend's house. As I was walking I suddenly "heard" a man's voice speak to me. I even turned to look for the source of the voice. But I couldn't see anyone. I realized that the "voice" had to have been internal, which made sense considering what this voice said to me:

"You have twenty-four hours to make a decision. I have given you as much time as you can have, and now you must decide whether you belong to Me, or to the world. If you decide against Me you will be cut off, and there will be no more chances."

The experience was so vivid, so shocking, that I turned around, in the middle of the side walk, and headed back to my apartment. Once inside I threw myself onto the floor, prostrate, and begged God to take me, to do whatever He had to do to keep me and never let me go. That evening I called my friend and told him about my decision, and that the relationship we were in would have to change or end. Once he heard what "change" meant, he picked "end."

What I interpreted from that event is that our salvation is not sure. I considered myself saved, I had had a "salvation experience" when I was fourteen, warmly receiving the gospel, and had continued, sort of, in a relationship with Jesus that included prayer, Bible study and worship. But my lifestyle, as so many people relate, was not pointed towards Christ. So I thought God was telling me that if I didn't shape up, He would kick me out.

Twelve years ago a person who became (and remains) my closest friend and a wise spiritual mentor, explained to me that my thinking was in error. The Bible reveals the truth, and my personal experiences must be understood in light of that truth.

The Bible, as she showed me, is clear that no one can snatch the Lord's own from His hand; even I cannot snatch myself out of the Lord's hand. So my experience, seen by this light, showed that I had almost but not quite received Christ. I was, as it were, continuing to "taste of the Spirit," without fully receiving Him, though I surely did believe the gospel.

But what about the voice? What was I to make of that? So I went back to the Bible and saw that yes, sometimes God intervenes in vivid ways in people's lives. How could it have been an evil spirit? I was convicted to the core and clung to Christ -- and have done ever since that day, twenty-seven years ago.

I love God's word, and I believe every word of it is living and powerful. Scripture has the same attributes as God Himself, in a very real way, as they are His God-breathed, published communication to us. There is no guesswork with scripture, at least in the fact that it is published and will not change. Knowing that God speaks to me Spirit to spirit in no way diminishes His published word. In fact, I have dedicated my life to teaching the Bible and training others to study the Bible, to lead Bible study discussion groups and to shepherd others by giving them scripture and urging them to pray and ask God for insight (rather than posing themselves as the final authority or answer) and so on.

When I am writing a lecture, I ask God to give me insight, clarity of teaching, to guide me to the right commentaries, to direct my thinking along the paths that He intends for my audience to travel. I ask Him for meaningful principles and applications of His word, for illustrations that will capture the audience's imagination and help them enter into the meaning of the passage. I ask Him to inhabit the words of each lecture when I speak it so that His word and meaning is what is translated into every heart and mind represented in the room. I am completely confident that God answers those prayers with the very things I have asked Him for.

When I am praying for someone I ask God for discernment for what I should ask in prayer, and often I ask Him to give me a scripture to pray for that person. It is uncanny how those scriptures end up being incredibly apt, pointed and personal when I later speak with that person.

I often pray God will show me what I need to know about someone when I am considering inviting them into our leadership circle. Don't you know, every time, if something needs to come out it does, in incredible ways. How often have I heard someone say to me, "I don't know why I just told you that. I've never told anyone that before today." I am the keeper of thousands of secrets by now.

God has never, ever told me anything wrong or steered me in a wrong direction. If I ask Him, for instance, should I invite this person now and I sense "no" I take that as no, and every time I have later discoverd why "no" was the sense I got. Same with "yes."

Some argue that if everyone believes that they can personally hear from God, that would create anarchy -- everyone would be going their own way...right?

This question is posed by the kind of person who does not believe that God can communicate to people individually, nor that God knows how to help people recognize His guidance.

If you believe that the Lord speaks to you, and you believe that He is the God of order and that He desires that His people be unified, then you have to interpret each life example in the light of the truth of scripture.

Will it cause anarchy in the marital relationship for instance? The husband is sure that God is leading him and his wife to do "A" and the wife is sure that God is leading them both to do "B." What's going on?

Either the husband or the wife has not discerned God's leading. They need to continue to pray together, seek wise counsel, ask God to reveal Himself in the scripture passages they are currently studying, and be mindful of what their circumstances are as well. God is trustworthy, and if both the husband and the wife truly want to follow God's will, and are not resisting His guidance, and are not vacillating (James 1) about the insight God has already given them...then they will come to the same decision together.

Bottom line, God's priorities are not the same as ours, so often. His priority for that couple might be to grow them spiritually as they work through their dilemna. They may realize that moving was never God's intention, but that their marriage needed working on, or maybe one of them has become calloused towards God, or maybe they have both gotten into the habit of making decisions independant of prayer and the study of God's word...or whatever.

When I am down I ask God for comfort and He gives it -- through His word, through a song that might come on, through a friend who might call, and sometimes simply by an inward warmth and joy and comfort.

When I have lost something, I pray and put it all into God's hands, asking Him to help me find it or show me how to deal with not having it. God gets all the glory when I find it. He gets all the glory if He otherwise shows me how to move on without it.

I simply cannot imagine what life would be like without this inner communication with God. It is more than precious to me.

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The first day of Advent is Novemebr 29, 2009

Advent: Means “To come” in Latin.

Advent originally was a time of instruction, prayer fasting and self-reflection, in preparation to be baptized in the new year. Then in the mid-300s Constantine the Great declared Jesus' birthday a national holiday. The exact day of Christ's birth is unknown, it was probably in the spring, some time around Passover. But Julius, bishop of Rome, set the date as December 25 because, at the time, this was the highest pagan festival of ancient Rome, called "sol invictus.” As soon as the days began to lengthen, the Romans would celebrate what they called the “The day of the unconquered sun,” because it was coming back to vanquish the cold, dark winter. So the early Church decided to use this heathen holiday to proclaim the coming of Jesus Christ, the true Unconquered Son, Who came to vanquish the power of death and the darkness of hell.

For centuries the "coming" that was celebrated was not the birth of Jesus, but His Second Coming. It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that the church began using the Advent season to prepare to celebrate Jesus’ birth. And even then, this newer sense of the Baby Jesus’ "advent" or coming did not replace the older sense—the Second Coming.

Pagans had traditionally decked their halls with boughs of holly, evergreens and mistletoe to symbolize winter's inability to prevent the renewal of life. Many ancient people, including the Egyptians and later the Romans, believed that the sun was a god and that winter came every year because the sun god had become sick and weak. They celebrated the solstice because it meant that at last the sun god would begin to get well.

Evergreen boughs reminded them of all the green plants that would grow again when the sun god was strong and summer would return. That’s where our Christmas colors come from: red for holly berries and green for evergreens. For the church, purple (and/or blue) for the royalty of Christ, and rose, for joy, not red and green, are this season's colors. That’s why the candles in the Advent wreath are traditionally purple and pink

The Advent wreath: Pre-Christian European people groups used wreathes of evergreens with lit candles during the cold and dark December days as a sign of hope for the days of Spring. Prayers were offered to the god of light to turn “the wheel of the earth” back toward the sun to lengthen the days and restore warmth.

As Christianity spread among the peoples of pagan lands, many of the practices of the winter solstice were blended with those of Christianity. In the dead of winter a celebration of rebirth of life was symbolized in the birth of Christ. The time of the winter solstice, when days grew longer again--the return of the light--became the hope of the world in the birth of Christ, "the light of the world." Who came to dispel the darkness of sin and to radiate the truth and love of God

As the church continued to appropriate pagan customs and practices for God, Christmas celebrations got rowdier and rowdier, until there was a lot of feasting and singing, drinking, carousing, costume parties, wild dances, and carrying on. By the 1500's there was nothing really left of Christ in Christmas partying.

The Puritans reformers intended to bring Christ back into their cultures. In Scotland, John Knox put an end to Christmas in 1562. In England the observance of Christmas was forbidden by act of Parliament in 1644. It was illegal to write Christmas carols. It was illegal to hold festivities of any kind. Instead, Christmas had to be treated like any other day. There were even mincemeat sniffers who walked up and down the streets of every town making sure nobody was secretly making mincemeat pies. Pro-Christmas and anti-Christmas factions rioted.

Xmas. The word “Xmas” is one of the oldest symbols of Christmas. X is the first letter of the Greek word for Christ, Xristos. By the fifteen hundreds, "Xmas" was the most popular way throughout Europe of writing Christmas.

Christmas Trees are relatively new – German people began to bring whole evergreen trees into their houses around the 1600's. It wasn’t until Prince Albert and Queen Victoria that Christmas came back to England, in the mid 1800's. Because Prince Albert was German, he brought the tradition of the Christmas tree with him, and set up the first one ever in England during his first Christmas there. Those pretty glass ornaments were originally all made in Germany.

Because much of the original United States was settled by Puritans, Christmas was for a long time outlawed in America, and even when it was no longer illegal, it wasn’t until Queen Victoria’s time that Christmas started getting popular. 150 years ago people were already complaining about the commercialization of the celebration of Jesus’ birth with present buying, Christmas trees, decorations, parties and so on.

But in the 1880's President Grover Cleveland had made Christmas a federal holiday, as it is to this very day.

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Conflict Resolution By Confessing Sin

We’ve been talking about how to encourage each other and build each other up through the humble and loving use of correction. We’ve talked about conflict resolution, about confronting someone with a sin, and now we’re going to talk about confessing our own sin.

It’s hard to admit to sin sometimes, even to myself, let alone to God and especially let alone to other people. I know God loves me, and I know He’s promised to forgive me and take me back. In fact, I know God is committed to transforming me into a beautiful and holy person. Confessing to other people feels a whole lot riskier!

Here are ten pointers that can help you and me through this painful process.
1) It’s better to confess to someone before they come to you with your sin. As soon as you think you might have offended someone, or sinned against them, you need to go to that person and confess with the hope of reconciliation

2) Don’t just wait for this meeting to happen, arrange for a time to get together with this person

3) Confess your sin honestly, specifically and completely

4) Avoid glossing over what happened, offering excuses or generalizing. Saying “Sometimes I tend to be harsh” is not nearly as honest and humble as saying “I was harsh to you when I said that thing that I said”

5) The goal is not to clear your conscience but to gain reconciliation with the other person. When you have godly sorrow over your sin, in your heart, you will find this is a lot easier to do

6) Express your sorrow over what you did, and for what’s happened because of it, the consequences

7) Express your willingness to accept whatever consequences there are

8) Identify what you’ve learned from the whole experience

9) Tell the specific ways in which you are going to change as a result

10) Ask for forgiveness, even by saying “Will you forgive me?”

How can you help someone who has come to you with their own confession?

1) Tell that person you forgive them. Be sensitive to when saying “I forgive you” is better than saying “It’s okay” or “Don’t worry about it” because if an offense is truly involved, it’s not okay and it’s worth being concerned about

2) Thank them for coming to confess and seek your forgiveness. Affirm your love and respect for that person. It takes courage and humility to confess sins – to do so is to serve another and to help build godly relationship

3) Ask if that person has any offense towards you as a result of the incident, and confess any sin you may have contributed to the situation

4) Agree with that person that the whole episode is over, it’s been thrown into the farthest reaches of the sea, never to be seen again. You’re moving forward together, fully reconciled.

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Conflict Resolution By Confronting Sin: Continued

We’ve been talking about how to encourage each other through loving and humble correction. This week we’ll talk about confronting someone with what you see as sin. Next week we’ll talk about confessing your own sin.

Remember that before you confront someone
• you need to find a time when you can be face to face
• You’ve prayed deeply and humbly
• You know without a doubt that God is calling you to speak to this person
• You are ready to come along side this person and help in the work the Holy Spirit is doing in their life
• You have defined the problem using scripture
• You have examined your own heart, your motives, your attitude and the possibility of sin on your part

Ultimately God’s grace will determine the effectiveness of any confrontation. Still, there are ways that you can help this part be effective:
1. Speak privately with this person, as Jesus instructed

2. Plan ahead so there will be few distractions

3. Affirm your genuine love and warm affection for this person before you say anything more. You are there to speak the truth in love

4. Share your perceptions as honestly and clearly as possible. Use biblical language, but don’t be like a prosecutor

5. Keep a spirit of discovery. You don’t know the whole story. Ask them to help you see this from their point of view, then really be teachable

6. Offer Biblical counsel and solutions, including going to a pastor or other trusted helper

7. Give enough time to the process, don’t demand an immediate response

8. Pray with and for the person

9. After a certain amount of time, as the Lord leads, follow up with your love and affection, your concern and your assurance of help

If the person chose not to receive your correction, don’t give up. Jesus told us how to handle that in Matthew 18

If someone confronts you with a sin or an offense, you can help in several ways
1) listen humbly and prayerfully

2) Confess and ask forgiveness wherever possible

3) If you need some time to process and pray over what the person told you, ask for it. – Note: if you have to do this every time you are corrected, you might need to carefully examine your heart for pride and unteachableness

4) Thank and affirm the person for coming to you, and for having the courage to confront you

They served you in the spirit of Galatians 6:1-5, by pointing out a sin, or seeking to reconcile their relationship with you.

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